I did not think I deserved it, sometimes I still don't. It is hard to accept that someone can respect you and accept you for all that you are. I rarely forgive myself for my mistakes, it is hard to believe someone else can. I torture myself with memories years old, situations where I said the wrong thing or did something awkward, and I never got to explain or say I was sorry. It haunts me because I could not let it go. I could not accept its triviality. It is hard to accept that someone can know your mistakes and see your bad sides and still love you.
As your embrace at night grows tighter, closer, more protecting, I am starting to accept your love. As I walk over to kiss you after we've had a fight where I overreacted, I am starting to accept your forgiveness. As I look into your eyes when you listen to my endless monologues about my studies and writing, I am starting to accept you respect.
It is harder to accept love than to find it. With every kiss you gently plant on my face, with every night you hold me tight, with every "I love you" you whisper into my ear, you make it a little bit easier.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
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